THE SELF WORTH DIET – Because Low Self Esteem Is Fattening

A Comedic Review of the Paleo Diet

So what is the Paleo Diet? Well, it’s named after the Paleolithic Age when caveman wandered the earth. This ridiculous diet claims that we must go back to the stone-age where cavemen hunted and gathered in order to re-learn how to eat properly. Are you f’ing kidding me?!

Yeah, I’m sure a well balanced diet is what the cavemen were going for. They were lucky if they survived that terrain much less worried about the four food groups. Here is my depiction of a couple of regular old stone agers looking for food:

EXT. STONE AGE – MORNING

Vick and Bob, two incredibly hairy and dirty cavemen, leave their clan cave dressed in animal fur diapers. They carry clubs and arrows.

                                                                                BOB

                                                Hey Vick, let’s gather some food.

                                                                                VICK

                                                Sounds good, Bob.

Vick and Bob don’t need to walk very far when they stumble upon a stone-age rabbit to kill. Out of nowhere the two are met by a very large and angry dinosaur who wants to make them his meal.

                                                                                BOB

                                                Oh shit! Runnnnnnnnnnn…..

Vick and Bob run for shelter in a nearby cave.

…And end scene.

The Paleo Diet is all about avoiding refined foods, trans fat, sugar and dairy. You know those cave people, they had stock piles of Hostess Twinkies and Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies in their dwellings; but they chose to eat healthy instead.

My point is, they ate what they could find. So why is the Paleo diet people saying what the cavemen ate is the best way to go? Well, I will tell you why. It’s just another gimmick to sell diet books, CD’s and whatever they need to make tons of cash off ya.

The Paleo diet is no different than any other high protein, low carb and no sugar diet. Robb Wolf, the author of the New York Times best-selling book, The Paleo Solution-The Original Human Diet has popularized this diet. He’s laughing all the way the bank. Celebrities, the first to follow fads, have jumped on the band wagon as well.

Jack Osborne, Megan Fox, Jessica Biel, Miley Cirus, Matthew McConaughey, Eva LaRue and Aaron Rodgers all profess the benefits of the Paleo Diet. 

When are we going to stop following these ridiculous fads and just eat healthy?  There is no magic pill or book that is going to make you thin.  I guarantee that every regular person who goes on this diet will lose weight then they will go back to the way they ate before and gain it all back.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not giving Robb Wolf any of my hard earned money so he can profit from stating the obvious in his book.  Do you think Vick and Bob, the cavemen, would fall for such a scam?  Well, probably because they hadn’t invented the wheel yet. 

4 Responses to “A Comedic Review of the Paleo Diet”

  1. Running Betty

    This is so true! I’ve been having this debate with some of my Co – workers who are preaching the paleo diet. Like most diets – some of the principles are sound – like not eating a ton of processed foods – however the whole idea that carbs are the devil is ridiculous. As a long distance runner, I need carbs to fuel my workouts and even if someone is a coach potato a certain amount of carbohydrates are necessary just for normal brain functioning (another thing I’m sure cavemen weren’t too concerned about). I follow the old school and simple philosophy that weight loss is achieved by burning more calories than you eat – regardless of where those calories come from. Technically you can loose weight eating nothing but twinkies, you just may not be in the best physical health! All these fad diets are gimmicks.

    Reply
  2. Mara Shapshay

    What was hilarious is on Facebook this nutritionist completely attacked me. I write for Huff Po and usually get killed in the comments so I had to laugh. I don’t support any diet whether there is science behind it or not. I couldn’t help myself with the Paleo diet but rag on it. It was too easy.

    Reply
  3. Eli

    You can get plenty of carbs from fruits and veggies and most people can’t digest whey or gluten properly.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: